The third week in August, I began a new school year. Normally, I’m pumped and ready to go, but this year, something was different.
I had spent the summer completing my novel, Always Connected, and finalizing the edits of what seemed to be endless errors I had missed in the process of proofreading. I was tired yet excited at the same time. I was tired for obvious reasons, but I was excited that finally my dream of being an author was going to happen this year. This year–when my second daughter is a Senior here at my high school and my third daughter is a Freshmen with me as well.
The school year was daunting as I looked at my numbers. Too many students were in my classes and by the time the third week came around, I found myself overwhelmed with names which didn’t sound familiar and had yet to be memorized. Every day I went home and slept to save my sanity.
Now at week six, I’m used to a few students and I’m learning to relax with the multitude of faces which I still don’t know at this point in the semester. I feel bad, but survival is always key during these times.
As a teacher, what I’ve learned the most is that experience is a great teacher. It has taught me when things don’t feel right in a classroom, like the way students are acting or the way students are learning or in some cases, not learning a concept I have been covering. That experience is what gets me through tough times like these and for my students, they most likely won’t know I’m overwhelmed because I’ll never show it to them. I’ll be controlled and ready to teach because that is what I’m used to doing every day. It is what keeps me centered and focused despite the feelings going on inside me. I am there for them, not me. I always have to keep this in mind as those young aspiring faces stare at me and know me as their teacher.
So although the feelings will still be there for awhile, eventually the anxiety and overwhelming feelings will subside in time. I know this to be true. Soon my students will know me and I will learn all of their names. They will just be “my kids,” and know that I am always here for them.